The secrets to always winning in an argument

The secrets to always winning in an argument

To always win in an argument, you need to possess not only the knowledge but also the right skills and strategies. Entering an argument is like entering an arena where words are the weapons and ideas are the ammunition. It is a clash of minds, a battle of persuasion and reasoning. However, not everyone manages to emerge victorious from these dialectical arenas.

Win-win or win/lose? What do you choose?

Whatever the specific reason that drives us to choose the win/lose framework (e.g. revenge, mistrust, laziness, habit, or other), the original governing assumption is the belief that one of the two must necessarily lose, or that it is impossible to win both.

This assumption, in turn, is based, as well as on an idea of ​​scarcity  (there is not enough for everyone), on the so-called dichotomous or “black/white” thinking, which leads us to process things in categories of opposites that are mutually exclusive: right/wrong, wrong/right, good/bad, everything/nothing, etc.

The point is that when we choose to be guided by the win/lose framework, the outcome will still always be lose/lose. The loser will be our enemy and sooner or later he will make us pay the price for our victory, achieved with his defeat: our victory will turn into a loss.

Conversely, if we want to achieve full and lasting victories, it is far more intelligent to be guided by a win-win framework.  If you don’t want to do it because you like (like me) to simultaneously create value for yourself and for others, do it out of selfishness. Yes, do it for yourself. As I predicted, when you reach agreements in which others also win, your victory is more secure and you will not lose anything.

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So, if your natural attitude is to manage disagreements and conflicts from a win-win framework, or you are deciding to use it (even just to try it) because you have understood its value and advantages, the best situation you can find yourself in is that the other party also operates within the same framework. This, evidently, will greatly facilitate the process of creating enormous material and human value .<

What if, instead, you had to find yourself negotiating with a person-oriented towards ‘win/lose’ communication?

Of course, it will require more effort, but the end result could be just as, if not more, satisfying. The constant challenges that the other side will throw at you will push you to devise even more creative solutions and become an increasingly skilled negotiator.

How do I know? As a lawyer I very often find myself negotiating with clients (yes of course, the first negotiation is with my own clients)and lawyers who have a win/lose framework.

What to do if you choose win-win comparisons?

If this is your choice, it is essential that you proceed with a major paradigm shift. It is essential that you realize that the other party’s demands and refusals are not against you, but are ways of satisfying what they perceive as their needs, ambitions, desires, objectives, and obstacles to their realization.

I am therefore for him, but not against you. Note that I did not write “satisfy one’s own needs… “, but ” satisfy what one perceives as one’s own needs… ” through the map at one’s disposal regarding the object of the comparison and which could be – as it very often is for each of us- more or less limited and limiting.

So this is the paradigm shift:

Stop believing that others are against us. Others act only in their own favor.
And in your favor does not mean against us.

If you and I had slipped into a stream and tried to get back to shore, fighting against the current, just because we are fighting for ourselves doesn’t mean we want the other to drown.

And if, clumsily, in trying to save myself, I kick you, it doesn’t mean that I wanted to give it to you to harm you, but perhaps that I’m not a good swimmer, or that the water makes my movements awkward.

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The same happens in the torrent of conflict, negotiation, a discussion.

And then? She listens, questions, and listens. 

Starting from this new paradigm and pursuing a win-win result, the next step is to better investigate what the needs, ambitions, desires, and objectives of the other party are and with what map they are perceiving our requests as obstacles to the realization of the objectives. his interests.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Neuro-Semantics, which I use in my profession as a lawyer-coach-negotiator & mediator, for example, offer models that provide us with very effective sets of questions to gather information and other models with which to facilitate restructuring and enrichment of limited and limiting maps.

At the same time, whether you are negotiating for yourself or for someone else (a client for example) you will need to carry out the same investigation and restructuring work on your maps and on the maps of your “assisted person”.

To do this, it is of fundamental importance to have great perceptual flexibility, that is, the ability to observe things from different subjective positions: one’s own, that of others, that of the neutral observer, and that of the reference context.

This same skill is also very useful for devising creative solutions with which to satisfy the needs and interests that have emerged previously.

Since few people and companies have these specific qualities and skills, the best solution, especially for the most difficult disagreements and conflicts, is to rely on a professional negotiator.

On the other hand, if a tooth decays we go to the dentist, if the car breaks down we go to the mechanic…
But if the car lights simply don’t turn on, we can change the fuse or the light bulb ourselves, perhaps with help from a tutorial we find online.

So if you have a small disagreement with someone, I hope my articles can help you resolve the situation on your own, arriving at win-win solutions. 

The secrets to always winning in an argument

Before entering into a discussion, it is essential to know your topic thoroughly. Gather all the necessary information, and study the relevant facts and statistics. The more knowledge you have about the topic, the more confident you will feel in expressing your point of view.

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Listen carefully

A common mistake in discussions is interrupting others or ignoring what they are saying. The key to winning an argument is to listen carefully to each other’s arguments. This will allow you to identify weaknesses in their reasoning and respond effectively.

Use praise and recognition

Another secret to winning an argument is to use praise and recognition. Recognizing the valid opinions of others can earn you extra points and show open-mindedness. This strategy can make you more persuasive and help win the argument.

Highlight the key points

When presenting your point of view, make sure you highlight the key points clearly and concisely. The use of concrete examples and well-structured arguments can help bring out your position convincingly.

Keep calm

Arguments can get intense, but it’s crucial to stay calm. Avoid personal attacks or emotional responses. Maintaining your composure will make you appear more confident and competent.

Counterattack effectively

When you are faced with arguments against your point of view, don’t be discouraged. Counterattack effectively, presenting solid facts and arguments. This will demonstrate your ability to defend your position.

Be open to change

Even if you have a strong opinion, be open to change if the facts warrant it. Showing flexibility can earn you respect and credibility.

Respect others

Respect for others is fundamental in a discussion. Avoid sarcasm or arrogance and treat others with courtesy. This will make you look like a winner even if you don’t agree.


Consistently winning an argument requires a combination of skill, patience, and respect. Knowing your topic, listening carefully, using praise and recognition, and staying calm are just some of the secrets to success. Always remember to be open to change and respect other points of view. By following these tips, you will become a discussion champion!


1.How can I be successful in an argument?

To be successful in arguments, remain calm, listen actively to the other side, use logic and facts rather than emotion, and concede valid points to build credibility.

2.What is the no 1 skill you need to win every argument?
The number one skill needed to win arguments is the ability to truly listen to the other person’s perspective without interruption and understand where they are coming from before formulating a response.

3.How do you win a fight with words?

To win verbal fights, stay composed, use precise language, appeal to reason, avoid personal attacks, find common ground, be willing to compromise, and know when to disengage if the situation becomes unproductive.

4.Who wins in an argument?

In a healthy argument, there are typically no absolute “winners” – the goal should be finding mutual understanding through respectful dialogue, not triumphing over the other person.CopyRetry

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