The end of a relationship | Divorce: Starting from scratch
Navigating the turbulent sea of life after the end of a relationship can seem like a Herculean challenge. When such a significant chapter closes, we often feel lost, looking for a point of reference in the emotional chaos.
The end of a relationship, whether short or long-term, leaves a void in the heart and a myriad of questions in the mind. “How can I move forward?” “Where did I go wrong?” “Will I ever be able to love again?” These are all legitimate questions that arise when experiencing this type of pain.
The End of a Relationship
But don’t despair, even though the path may seem tortuous and full of obstacles, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some steps to consider when trying to declutter your life and find a new normal:
Accepting and Processing Grief : Don’t deny or suppress your feelings. Let it flow, cry if necessary, and talk to someone you trust. This will help you process the pain.
Rediscover Yourself : Often, in relationships, we lose a part of ourselves. This is the time to reconnect with your passions, hobbies and things you love to do.
Seek External Support : Whether it’s friends, family or professionals, having someone to talk to can make a difference. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see things in a different light.
Set New Goals : Focus on what you want out of life. This can include traveling, learning something new, or simply taking care of yourself.
Give Time to Time : Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself.
The end of a relationship can be seen as a new opportunity, a chance to reinvent yourself and discover a new you. Although the pain is real, with time and effort, you can find happiness and harmony in your life.
Psychology teaches that separation from a person we loved (and in some cases continue to love) is mourning in all respects.
We must go through the pain of loss in order to metabolize it and transform it from a moment of weakness into the strength to start again.
I am not a psychologist and I do not allow myself to do the work of others, but we have all gone through these sensations a bit, in a more or less intense, more or less significant way, and I can say with certainty that almost always the objects that surround us and our way of relating to them are the mirror of our emotions:
If we feel anger and resentment towards the other person we will probably tend to immediately take a box and make a grab for every single object that carries a memory with it to make it disappear from our sight (if not destroy it by throwing it against some wall!); if, however, we suffer the separation with pain, we will probably use the objects as a life preserver to keep us afloat, transforming them into sacred relics of a happiness that we feel we have lost.
I confess that at different times in my life I have gone through both of these situations, and probably neither is considered healthy behavior.
In general, we should separate feelings and material objects, rationalizing the concept that not everything that our ex-partner touched or used automatically became a personification of him/her.
So, in the first case, the moment of anger resulting from abandonment could make us throw away (or destroy!) even actually useful objects that we might regret in the future, once it has cooled off. I therefore advise you to dominate your impetuous feelings, close up what bothers you in front of you in a box and put it away from your sight, in the cellar or attic, to “decant”.
When you feel calmer and willing to examine objects for what they are and not for what they represent, you can go and retrieve it and make a more rational selection.
The second case, however, is certainly the most common and the most difficult to rationalize.
The pain of separation is so strong that even the thought of getting rid of something that is useless to us but which is linked to an important emotion seems impossible.
But if you think about it, this behavior has two very negative implications:
We continue to see objects, photos, clothes around the house, which constantly reopen wounds, open memory drawers, prolonging a (sometimes) unbearable torment;
Objects keep us stuck in a moment of pain that has the shape of a tunnel without light, preventing us from moving forward with our lives.
The solution is called Space Clearing
Space Clearing is a discipline that derives from the Chinese art of fengshui which is based on the principle of making space in one’s living environments to get rid of what is useless or tied to the past in order to recover harmony, inner balance and open up to new possibility.
The art of renovating and purifying spaces is nothing new. In fact, the ancient Chinese practice of fengshui has ingrained this idea for centuries. But how do we approach this art in a modern world? This is where Space Clearing comes in.
The principle behind Space Clearing
The essence of this practice is based on eliminating the superfluous. We believe that by creating physical space, we can actually open up space on an emotional and mental level as well. Think about it: when you rid an area of what is no longer needed, don’t you feel lighter? The same sensation manifests itself on an internal level.
Physical and emotional ballast
Like a dusty old book on the shelf, unused objects can become burdens on our souls. Lucia Larese, the Italian guru of Space Clearing, states that through external cleaning and reorganization, we can begin to understand and purify our internal world. Interesting, right?
The testimony of people
During my years of practice, I have had the honor of working with many people. Their gratitude after doing a deep cleaning is priceless. They tell how getting rid of objects with heavy memories is like getting rid of heavy chains. The power of letting go is incredible.
Rebirth after Space Clearing
When I had the opportunity to reconnect with some clients, many shared how much their lives had changed. They have rediscovered a lost lightness and now have clear and ambitious objectives.
The right moment
But make no mistake. Space Clearing is not something that should be done on a whim. The delicate nature of the practice requires correct timing. Someone may not be ready to let go, especially if the item in question involves a painful past.
A gesture of kindness
When we get rid of things, it doesn’t mean they have to be wasted. Donating them to charities is a beautiful gesture. Imagine the object that no longer has value to you, but could mean the world to someone else.
Space Clearing is not just a physical action, but an inner journey. It is a road to understanding, acceptance and, ultimately, rebirth. Next time you look at that dusty old book, think, “Is it time to let it go?”
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