The 10 phrases separated parents hear
The great thing about being single parents is that our life is never boring. Never. Every day, a new one happens. And even when it seems like the day is going well, don’t be alarmed, some setbacks will surely come. And so we have developed the capabilities of a calculator: like small iPhones, we manage time, unexpected events, programs and work in the blink of a wing.
If Tim Cook discovered us, he would make us CEOs of Apple.
In all this existential chaos, the day is always peppered with phone calls and conversations with our exes. Do you know when you are tired and don’t want to hear anyone, not even the beep of messages? Here you are. He will come to your aid: the ex who has to grumble, ready to launch the final blow.
The color of clothes, the food, the activities. It matters little. There will always be something that isn’t right.
“Can’t we talk about it tomorrow?” Impossible. From the series “I’m nervous, I almost annoy my Viper ex a bit!”
In recent years I have heard many, perhaps too many. Here are the funniest ones. From the great classics to the most original, there are all types.
1- You spoil him too much (classic)
This sentence makes me smile. Also because usually the person who says it is the one who gives the child a toy every day. In reality, children of separated parents are spoiled by everyone: grandparents, uncles, mum, and dad. And no matter how much one says they want to educate them without too many games and gifts, in the end, they end up giving in. But hearing someone else say it generates a mix of emotions ranging from the homicidal instinct to total deafness. (it’s called tympanic callus on ex’s complaints).
2- How do you dress it?
(classic in color) Typical mum phrase. Usually, mothers notice everything about their children and when it’s their ex who dresses them, a brush-up is a must. I gave in too. But I was justified: she had dressed him in red and purple. This is too much.
3- The child throws a tantrum because he misses his dad. (original)
It could be. But if he sees him almost every day, maybe he’s throwing a tantrum because he’s a child, right? I have never suffered from this game of senses of blows. Also because here we all go out of our way for the serenity of our children, we need to be proactive, not destructive.
4- He will have problems because we are separated parents. And it’s your fault. (original)
It happened. In moments of anger, harsh words come out. However, I believe that children of separated children just need to feel loved by both parents first and foremost. They must have solid points of reference. They need consistency and presence. We no longer live under the same roof, it’s true. But do you know how many fights we’ve avoided? The story of guilt over separation is old-fashioned. Let’s go further.
5- He got sick, and you didn’t cover him well. (classic in color)
Children get sick! Of course, it would be different if one took him to the water park with -1 but I believe that no sane mother would do that (nor even a father). Simply, from the school they manage to bring the worst bacterial monsters that exist in the world
6- You are not a present parent (science fiction).
Said the other, sipping a Moscow mule on the shores of Lake Garda. You know how it is, this weekend he was supposed to go away with his new girlfriend. At least the decency to remain silent.
7- The baby doesn’t want to be with me because of you (science fiction).
Children are fickle, and above all, they change their minds, they go through periods. There may be times when they prefer to spend their time with mom, others with dad. -We should just learn to indulge them and be more empathetic, without assigning unfair blame. Parents who respect each other do not speak ill of their children about each other. I have so much to say. But I keep them to myself. Then, I go to the box and solve the problem.
8- You are too apprehensive. (classic in color)
Every mother has her own neuroses. Let us be just how we feel without criticizing.
9- You are too rigid (classic black and white)
If we don’t give rules we are too good if we want to teach our children good manners, we are merciless iron sergeants. There are always too many of us, in short.
10- You’re (too) ex.
I would summarize all these criticisms in a single sentence: we are exes. Well yes. There will always be criticism aimed at us because it is part of the human condition of having loved each other so much.
Now, I would like you to be honest.
Have you never done it? Liars. As I was writing this list, I realized that at least a couple of points are the bread and butter of my phone calls with my son’s dad. I apologize for saying that the other 7 are blurted out to me every other week. And therefore, we are the perfect example of the constant little insults between two separated exes. We’re a little borderline. But for serious things, we also manage to band together. Maximum duration, 4 hours.
Every now and then, however, there is also a nice “go to hell” and many warm greetings. It may not be politically correct, but it protects us from possible nervous breakdowns.
1.What do you say to parents separating?
When parents are separating, reassure them that their children’s well-being is the priority, encourage open communication, and remind them that anger and conflict should be kept away from the kids.
2.How do you tell your parents you’re separating?
Tell your parents you are separating in a calm, direct manner, emphasizing it is a mutual decision made after careful consideration, and assure them you will handle it respectfully for your family’s sake.
3.How do I prepare my child for parents’ separation?
Prepare your child by explaining the separation simply and honestly, reassuring them it is not their fault, maintaining routines and stability as much as possible, and allowing them space to process emotions.
4.How do I prepare my child for my parents’ separation?
To prepare children, explain the situation in an age-appropriate way, reassure them of your love, allow emotions to be expressed, maintain routines and schedules, and consider counseling support through the transition.