What are the 5 phases of grief and how to deal with the loss

Death is part of life, therefore, sooner or later all people face that moment of losing someone, the moment of mourning. When we lose something, we feel a pang of pain because we lose a connection; The emotional attachment that we had created is broken and it is normal to experience a series of reactions and emotions.

Trying to avoid pain and pretend nothing had happened can be counterproductive, because unresolved grief can make emotional adaptation difficult and increase persistent discomfort, without necessarily implying pathology. You may have heard of grief and mourning as synonyms. However, there are nuances that differentiate them: The stages of grief according to psychoanalysis: As we said, many people have investigated the phases of loss and grief.

For example, in the 1950s John Bowlby and Colin Murray Parkes developed their theories. The stages of grief according to Bowlby and Parkes were classified in this way: But if there is a theory that has become popular and continues to be recognized today, it is that of the 5 phases of grief developed by the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and which we will delve into below.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross formulated the model of the 5 stages or phases of grief based on direct observation of the behavior of terminally ill patients: However, before going fully into explaining each phase, it is important to keep in mind that people feel emotional pain in different ways and that these phases are not linear.

You can go through them in a different order, even go through some of them on more than one occasion and there is nothing strange about it. In this first stage of grief it is difficult to believe what has happened and thoughts of disbelief arise that can make us consider how to continue moving forward without that person. In short, the denial stage in grief serves to cushion the blow and give us time to come to terms with the loss.

Anger is one of the first emotions that appear when faced with the loss of a loved one due to that feeling of injustice that invades us. Anger and rage have the function of releasing frustration in the face of an irreversible event such as death. The negotiation stage in grief refers to the moment in which, faced with the loss of a person you love, you are willing to do anything to ensure that it does not happen.

In this negotiation phase we focus: In this third stage of grief we would like to go back to be able to change the facts, we fantasize about how things would have been if we had acted differently and we ask ourselves if we have done everything possible. The acceptance stage refers to the moment in which we no longer resist reality and begin to live with emotional pain in a world in which someone we love is no longer there.

Accepting does not mean that there is no longer sadness, much less forgetfulness. However, it is important to emphasize that although the Kübler-Ross model and the idea of ​​the stages of grief as a series of phases that must be "worked through" became widely popular, it has also encountered various criticisms. Although the Kübler-Ross model is widely known, it is worth keeping in mind its limitations.

Various studies warn that a definitive and uncritical presentation of the model can induce the erroneous perception that experiencing the stages is the only valid form of grief, which can have negative consequences for grieving people (Avis et al., 2021). That is why it is important to remember that grief is characterized by: In summary, it is essential to consider the stages as an indicative guide and not as a mandatory or universal path.

In fact, there are other preferable contemporary models for navigating grief such as continuous bonds, grief tasks, meaning reconstruction, the six Rs of mourning, and Stroebe and Schut's dual process model due to its greater functionality (Daniel, 2025). Over time, the model has been adapted and debated, but remains an important reference for understanding how people can navigate the pain associated with loss.

The stages of grief can present themselves in different ways depending on the type of loss experienced. Although the Kübler-Ross model emerged fromfrom the observation of terminally ill people and their families, it is currently also used in other contexts of loss. These examples show that, although the core emotions may be similar, each grieving process is unique and tailored to both the nature of the loss and each person's personal history.

Furthermore, it has been observed that longing constitutes the main negative indicator of grief from the first month to 24 months after the loss (Maci

References & Sources

• Avis, K. A., Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2021). Stages of grief portrayed on the internet: A systematic analysis and critical appraisal.
• Bowlby, J. (1980). Attack and loss. Turin: Bollati Boringhieri.
• Daniel, T. (2025). The stubborn persistence of grief stage theory.
• Freud, S. (1917). Lutto and melancholy. Complete opera by Sigmund Freud, VIII. Turin: Bollati Boringhieri.
• Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). La morte e il muerte. Assisi: Cittadella Editrice.
• Maciejewski, P. K., Zhang, B., Block, S. D., & Prigerson, H. G. (2007). An empirical examination of the stage theory of grief.

This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for personalized medical, psychological, or legal advice.