Basic tips for dealing with a divorce with children
Put yourself in their shoes . Almost from one day to the next, that person who was going to pick you up from school stops doing so. He is not at home either, and he is the one who taught you so many things… not only did he help you with your homework, but he also played with you, aroused your curiosity and answered the many questions you ask yourself every day.
She loved you, she protected you, and you could turn to her at any time.
But not only that, at home the situation is also strange. There is sadness in the atmosphere, calls that change the face of that adult who now takes care of you alone. Nerves, screams, rush. Worry . All of this, logically, affects you. And he does it all day long, in class, in extracurricular sports, even playing with your friends. It may be that the situation fills you with anger, you do not understand why, and your character becomes irascible. It may be that instead you decide not to talk to anyone, be shy and introverted. Or it could be that nothing changes and your behavior is the same as always, who knows.
Protection of minors in divorce with children
We tend to think of divorce as a situation between two parties. But we must not forget that, when there are common children involved, the marital breakdown must be faced if possible with greater responsibility to protect these minors , ensure their interest, and ensure that the situation in the couple will not negatively affect their growth.
How to achieve that?
The well-being of children depends, in the event of separation or divorce , on good understanding between their parents . And yes, it is something simple to say, but complex to put into practice because personal relationships are far from ideal.
But despite all this, all the guilt, reproaches, misunderstandings or lack of love there is, children must always be kept in mind during a divorce .
Because they are the weakest part , which, in the case of being pre-adolescents, cannot even raise their voice to defend themselves.
Three points to take into account in a divorce with children
Family lawyers always recommend negotiation and mediation , even more so when there are common children involved.
According to the National Institute of Statistics , in 2022 (the latest year for which official data is available) more than half of the divorces occurred with dependent children (all minors, and those older who are financially dependent on their parents), a total of 81,302 divorces in USA .
There are several points that must be taken into account, or several pieces of advice that we can take to try to ensure that the children involved are not too affected. The first, as we have said, is that of the divorce route. The second is the issue of custody . And finally, if you opt for contentious separation , try not to take the minors before the judge .
The path of mutual agreement, the best option
That the parents maintain a good relationship with each other will be an injection of encouragement for their common children .
In the story we told at the beginning of this text (not that it sounds like an exaggeration, because reality always surpasses fiction) we said how a minor notices the absence of one of his parents. And how the atmosphere becomes cloudy, rarefied, and tense.
All solutions aimed at ensuring that the little ones do not have that feeling will be well received. If the good relationship allows it, and even if there is no coexistence between the parties, it is important to maintain routines during the time the breakup procedure lasts .
For example, if the mother takes the child to school and the father picks him up, follow that custom despite the divorce suit . And that, extrapolated to the rest of day to day.
Going to the mutual agreement route will also mean avoiding starting a cumbersome judicial procedure where the minor will be affected . And if there is this cordiality between the parties , precautionary measures issued by a court aimed at protecting the minor will also be avoided , because that child will not be threatened.
Furthermore, if there is this respect between the parties, parents will be able to explain what is happening to their children without resorting to hate speech or revenge. It is recommended to talk to your children, tell them about the new situation between their parents and the reasons that have led them there. And above all, it is essential that children perceive the love of their parents so that they do not feel fear or insecurity . In addition, they must commit to teaching children to manage their emotions.
We must also take into account the age of the children, since a one-year-old baby is not the same as a child under seven, a 13-year-old teenager or a 19-year-old. You have to know how to adapt the speech to each age group and, when they are capable of making their own judgments, listen to their arguments and take them into account.
What type of custody is best for children?
Without a doubt, shared custody is the option recommended by lawyers specializing in Family Law . And jurisprudence is increasingly advancing in this sense: breakups with shared custody increase year after year, and in several Autonomous Communities it is already the main option for the courts .
Shared custody implies that both parents maintain custody of their children and dedicate similar time to them ( which does not have to be exactly fifty percent ). This entails living close to each other and, another fundamental thing, that the child can maintain his routines as before the marriage dissolution .
In these cases, there is normally no alimony from one party to the other since both respond equally to the expenses of food, healthcare, education and clothing. Sometimes there may be alimony for children if there is a large difference in income between both parents .
It may happen that this custody is not possible because the judge understands that the necessary circumstances do not exist to implement shared custody . Since it is your Honor who studies the psychological reports, the opinions of the parties involved, and decrees the type of custody (you can decree shared custody even if the parents do not agree ), ultimately it will be this authority who, once the situation, opt for this route, or instead assign custody to one of the parents, establishing a visitation regime and alimony.
For the most extreme cases, a Family Meeting Point is enabled where children can be taken and picked up, or even prohibit the non-custodial parent from leaving this monitored space with their child.
It must always be kept in mind that the judge protects the interest of the minor over that of his parents , so his decision will be aimed at safeguarding the dependent children.
Do not make your child a weapon in court
If a conciliatory path is not found and finally a contentious divorce with children in common is resorted to , there is also advice that can be followed. The first is not to make the child a weapon against the ex-spouse , manipulating his testimony before the judge. It seems logical, but the experience of judges and lawyers indicates that this happens.
Divorce attorneys also often recommend against taking minors to court . If requested by any party, people from the age of 12 have the obligation to attend a hearing or undergo psychological tests, and even those from the age of 10 could be required by the courts if requested by one of their parents. parents. It is a drink that is difficult for the child to digest .
If you have any questions about how to defend the interest of a child in a divorce process, trust a divorce lawyer who can advise, guide and protect you and your children throughout the duration of the marital breakdown.